Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Bow My Head

A few months ago, I began to question my "faith". I was angry, bitter and down right unhappy. I really really wanted to blame God for the tragedy that I had experienced. During that time, I found myself sad a lot. Most days I was depressed and cried. I realize now what I was doing differently. I had stopped praying. I was holding on to all of my hurt and anger...keeping it deep inside. I know now that was doing me more harm than good.

Earlier today I had an awesome conversation with first, my mother than with my cousin. Both of them really helped to bring me back down to where I needed to be and I'm sure they didn't even know it. Once I was done talking with them, I bowed my head. I felt my heart was still a bit heavy and I knew what was soon to follow. Tears. I was at work and I really didn't want to feel "that way" while I was not in the privacy of my own home or car. My 5 minute prayer session allowed me to release what I was feeling at the time. I really felt lighter after I had done so.

Whether you believe in God, a higher being, etc. it's your choice. Even if you're an Atheist, that is your choice too. Religion and or Spirituality always seems to be a touchy subject. It definitely can break up relationships, cause arguments, etc. In life we are not all going to agree about any and everything. What works for you may not work for the next person. I can't speak for others but I can say that prayer works for me. For me, prayer means everything. When I was pregnant I prayed that my baby would be born healthy. It never mattered to me if it was a boy or a girl. I just wanted he or she to get here safely and me live to tell it.

Some people may say well God didn't have anything to do with that. Or if there is a God, why'd he let your son die? I asked that same question months ago. Death happens and as we all know, it's a part of life. I believe that God was with my son and I both on that fateful day. He knew what was going to take place. Even when I questioned Him in the past, He was still there and never left my side. When I stopped praying, He still knew my heart. You may ask, what's the point of praying if you don't even know if their IS a God? How about this, why NOT pray? In Hebrews 11:1 it says: "Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." And, no I've never met God. But I'd much rather pray and give my heartaches and worries to Him, than to carry those burdens by myself.

Thanks for reading :)

xoxo adria